Crackpot

“I am not really a man,” said Jesus, “I am older than this world. I am Apollo, the son of Zeus.”

Josiah shook his head in disbelief, he turned to John, “He’s been spouting this shit since we brought him in. We can’t show him in public like that.”

“Give him some time,” said John. “He was trapped in a tomb for two days, out of his mind. They thought he was dead. He thought he was dead too.”

“Look at his eyes. He’s crazy.”

“My father,” said Jesus, “Tricked people into believing that he was the only God. And then he killed or enslaved all other Gods. He is a liar. The prince of lies. I live only because he has a mission for me.”

“We need to make his insanity look divine.”

“Yes, my mission! What is my mission?”

“Jesus,” said John and repeated a few times, but Jesus was not responding. It took a few minutes to get his attention. “Jesus, I am your disciple John, and I have had a vision from Our Lord. He told me what he wants you to do.”

“That foul wretch,” said Jesus, “When will he release me from this torment? I hate this sick, weak, lustful body. I want to be a spirit of the void again.”

“Listen, Jesus. Our Father wants you to strengthen his church here in this land. He wants you to tell them about the Lord’s True Will.”

Jesus started rocking back and forth. A streak of saliva was coming out the side of his mouth.

“Fuck,” said John.

“What is it?” asked Josiah.

“He’s having a vision again. Who knows what he will come back with. He might come back believing he’s a bunny rabbit. If people did not love him so much, I would just let him die. But they have to see him at least once. They’ll believe he resurrected.”

“What about the teachings?”

“I’ll figure something out. Maybe we should circulate some written materials instead. People will think somebody wrote it down. In a few years, nobody will know.”

Josiah smiled and touched John’s cheek tenderly. “You gorgeous bastard. You are a genius.”

“Stop that, not in front of him. He doesn’t like that.”

“Come on, he’s out of it, he doesn’t know what’s going on.”

“I’m more aware than you might think,” said Jesus sternly. “In fact, it’s all perfectly clear to me. It is a shame my lucid moments are getting shorter and shorter. I doubt I can be much use in your cause, John.”

“We have got to do it, Jesus, don’t you see? We need to get people out of the reign of these commandments. These superstitions. You’re the only one who can do it now. Charismatic, loved by everyone.”

Jesus wept. The devils were congregating around again and he could not tell if they were real.

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