Confessions of a Star

Cue music.

A wide shot of a large city late at night, could be New York or Boston. Closeups on people in the street doing local stuff alternate with wide shots of buildings and cars. Then transition to the studio. The band is in the back, the host is behind his desk, the movie star is sitting on the couch.

The star is probably close to forty, but he looks young. Chiseled chest, zero body fat, perfect hair. He smiles and makes the ladies swoon (figuratively).

They greet and chit chat, one joke is told and the audience laughs.

“So Chad,” says the host, “You’re back from the set of your latest movie. What was it like in Rome?”

“Good to be back,” says Chad, “It reminded me of the good old days when I was modelling for Company.”

The audience applauds. Chad smiles and his teeth blind the camera for a few nanoseconds. We can fix it digitally in post; human audience will not notice anyway, they will just feel privileged.

“Chad, today is a very special day for you, isn’t it.”

“Yes it is.”

“Can you tell us what it is?”

“It’s my mom’s birthday,” he smiles, looks at the camera and nods pleasantly “Happy birthday, mom.” We let the mental image of his mother seep in. She is probably drinking by the pool.

“Your mom,” says the host and pauses, “You and your mom have a very special relationship.”

“That’s true,” says Chad, “Very close, very transcendent. Let me give you an example.”

“Please do.”

“One Christmas Eve,¬†I was maybe seven or eight,” Chad laughs, “I remember I went to bed and shut my eyes real tight to make sure I fall asleep like a good boy, you know, waiting for Santa. My mom woke me up in the middle of the night. There was music coming from downstairs, the party was on. She woke me up ‘Come on, honey, you need to come with mommy’ she said and took me into the hunting room, you know, the room with all the guns and trophies. Her Hollywood friends were in there drinking whiskey, they looked at me fascinated. They got around me and my mom said ‘Well, here he is’ like she was hosting a game show. So the men in the room took my pajamas off and they took turns making love to me while the women looked on. And that taught me a wonderful lesson.”

The camera should be showing the host now. He is nodding, he is understanding, he is moved.

“It actually,” Chad continues, “Made me the man I am today. And I wanna thank you, mom.”

The audience cheers and claps and laughs, they go crazy.

“Wow, Chad, I don’t know what to say. That is a very special story. Mothers are so great, aren’t they,” he looks at the camera, “Here’s to you, mom. Wherever you are.”

The band starts playing, the audience cheers. The host screams over the uproar “Stay with us tonight. Coming up we have Starlet and after that Serious Producer Turned Director. Coming up after these messages.”

Take a breath, everyone.

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